Day 36 - Time Travel - Dr. Tey and the Tardis

The self-appointed Grand Caliph of Little Tallyban and Greater Istanshire, Tey Thorn, is annoyed again - and Twitter is once again in his sights.

Thorn wrote:


I am boiling with anger. Those bastards at Twitter won't give me the names of the terrorists who were telling the Brownies and Cub Scouts where to get refreshing lemonade during their anarchist invasion and occupation of the village park. I have called in my advisers and have ordered them to arrest Twitter.

Flunky:  Lord, even you, most powerful and holy one, cannot arrest Twitter.

Thorn: And why not ?

Flunky: Twitter is an organization that is located beyond the borders of our Shire.

Thorn: Then arrest its ringleaders.

Flunky: They too live beyond our borders. And they have committed no crime.

Thorn: Then let's change the law so that they have committed a crime.

Flunky: Lord, even you, most powerful one, cannot create crimes of actions in the past.

And so it came to pass that Mister Thorn hatched a devilish plan to outwit the Jewish Conspiracy at Twitter.

Thorn: Then I will travel back in time and order my past self to change the law so that we can arrest those Tweeting bastards and jail the Jews that run Twitter. I have heard that in the land of Ingerlanshire there exists a great magician called The Doctor and a machine called the Tardis that can travel through time. We will steal his machine, bring it to Little Tallyban, travel back a few months and change the law.

Thorn: I am so excited. My diplomats have procured the Tardis from a cockney called Bob in a London backstreet for a mere 50,000 pounds. I have a Tardis! And my publisher informs me that all people who travel in the Tardis are called Retards. Just imagine it! I am a retard!

Later that day.

Thorn: The fucking thing doesn't work. And it's bloody tiny inside. Even when we said the magic words that Bob told us to say. Even when we made the strange screeching noises that Bob had told us to say that we had seen on the demo DVD.

Flunky: Do not worry my Lord. We have a Plan B. We have all the newspaper owners in the Shire in our pocket and we can force them to print what we want. You will note the identical headlines in today's newspapers. We will order them to report that the law against Twitter already exists.

Thorn: Excellent!

Publisher's Note: The above photo is used for illustrative purposes only. Everyone knows that Turkey is a fully functioning democracy. These newspapers are from the parallel universe of Istanshire where a madman is at the controls, where newspapers regularly print lies to hoodwink the populace, the international community couldn't give a fuck, and truth is dead.