Tuesday, 27 August 2013

Day 58 - The Gay in the Closet - Just say yes!

His Grand and Most Excellent Excellency (etc etc) Tey Thorn is furious (again) - this time because opinion polls conducted in the Village of Little Tallyban say he is autocratic. They say he has surrounded himself with advisers who are toadies, sycophants and Yes Men.

Thorn stormed to a meeting of the party faithful: I am always open to new ideas. I call on all intellectuals to criticize me if they think I am wrong. I am not a scientist. My advisers are not Yes Men. They are all handpicked because their opinions concur with mine. And if any intellectual in the Shires should wish to criticize me me then let them have the balls to stand up publicly for what they believe is right.

Publisher's note: Understandably, those intellectuals who have not already been jailed, sued into poverty, disemboweled or deprived of their 'crown jewels' are reluctant to come forward. Undeterred, Mister Thorn continues to burrow himself deeper into the personal lives of his subjects.

He continues: From now on, gay men -- who are certainly an abomination and destined for the lake of fire in Hell -- will be prevented from being employed by the state. Homosexuality will be illegal and a jail-able offence. And I am also announcing a new building plan of separate swimming pools for men and women. No more will men have to look at women in bikinis. We are creating a nation where men and women will no longer use the same swimming pools . From now on the sexes will bathe separately to avoid any improper conduct. Imagine a world where men no longer have to be confronted by lascivious women in bikinis. I will give this to you.

The irony of announcing these two policies together goes unnoticed. After the hysterical reception by the party faithful Mister Thorn turns to his advisers.

Thorn: I no longer want Yes Men in my entourage.

Creepy Toady 1: Yes Efendi.

Thorn: Will you disagree with me if you feel I am in the wrong ?

Creepy Toady 2: Yes of course Efendi.

Thorn: Am I the greatest man who ever lived ?

Creepy Toady 3: Yes indeed Efendi.

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