Sunday, 4 August 2013

Day 42 - Time Travel at Last!

Editor's note: The 'fairy tale' in the previous blog entry is, like many of the events in this blog in which the piss is taken, completely true. The events happened in 2002. (Just in case you were wondering). In this parallel universe that dreadful feudalist country is called Shoddi Arabia. In your universe the name may be similar sounding. The picture is actually from the pre-Tallyban times in Afghanisshire when women could go to university - again the spelling in your universe may differ.

As you know, Mister Thorn's attempt at time travelling to change the law in the past using a Tardis were thwarted by a crafty cockney called Bob. It also didn't help that there is no such thing as a real Tardis. But how is a badly educated product of a faith school who believes in an omnipotent sky god going to know the difference between magic and technology ? 

But to control the past one only needs control of the media and so the need for a great magician like a Time Lord and his Tardis became irrelevant. Now the self-styled Grand Caliph of Little Tallyban and Greater Istanshire has a greater problem. All the doctors who have not been jailed for helping the injured brownies and the cub scouts during the occupation of the village park have quit.

Thorn writes: Who needs doctors anyway ? And who needs Time Lords ? I am more powerful than any BBC Doctor. I will take my entire country time travelling. And when I issue the command, as that Star Trek Captain once said, then it will be so. I do love those documentaries. I shall instruct my network SeeNooNewsTurk to show them when the rebellious riff-raff are on the streets again.

To which era will you take your country ? - I asked Thorn.

Thorn: To the Middle Ages. The Middle Ages is when Istanshire was called the Pottyman Empire and ruled by the Pottymen. It was a time when women were strong and gave birth without the aid of doctors and their witchcraft. Ours will be a strong nation once again where no medicines are used and women will have to be strong and give birth to strong, healthy children. No more need for unclean medicines and pain killers made by pork eaters. I have instructed my health minister to ban all caesarian sections -- because the country's high street butchers have refused to help me by filling the empty surgeon's jobs. Pain killers are also a no-no.

But pregnant mothers will die agonising deaths - I protested. Children will die needlessly - I added.

Thorn: Your point being ?

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