Publisher's Note: Mr. Thorn's gag was removed by his psychiatrist so that I could interview him for today's blog. His straitjacket, however, remained in place.
I am apoplectic with rage. My party members came with doctors last night and removed me from my bed before taking me to a special hospital ward for what they call observation. My wife, with whom I usually have breakfast, has sent me a postcard from Paris telling me that she is enjoying her spending spree with the 750 million I borrowed from the International Jewish Banking Conspiracy. She says she has ordered a three room extension to be built on our government villa in Paris so that she can store her new clothes and shoes.
I was informed earlier this morning by my recently put-to-death adviser that my doctors across my shire have been taking to the streets to help with the handful of people slightly injured during friendly embraces and cuddles with my policemen. What on earth possessed them to help this riff raff ? After my public criticism they too have taken to the streets in their white coats, stethoscopes and surgical masks although it's difficult to tell them apart from the other riff raff as everyone seems to be wearing fancy dress masks and Village People's hats these days.
Today I dined on half a dozen raw baby turtles - sushi style. The only way to tell if something is really fresh is if it is still wriggling on the plate. My two daughters in the United Shires of Orbama who are under the protection of its leader are completing their university education there since most of the professors here are criminals and in jail. They called me to wish me well and asked if they could have some of the pocket money I gave to their mama before she left for Paris.
None of the terrorists in the Brownie Pack will negotiate with me and they call me The Gasbag. So I have arranged another tedious meeting with the local theatrical society so that they may bask in my reflected glory and I will at least give the appearance of negotiating before I clean the village square and park of the vermin.