Friday, 21 June 2013

Day 13 - New Tourist Initiative

After tourist numbers to the shire plummet, Mr. Thorn, leader of the unfree world, orders a new advertising campaign. This is what the creative world of advertising came up with.

“Dear tourists, do not be afraid of coming to Istanshire! Here are some reasons you should come and visit this beautiful town of Little Tallyban, and Istanshire:

1) The whole country is one massive human art installation. There are thousands of people staring in silence at a building pretending to be penguins. The Governor has been doing a post-deconstruction comedy stand-up routine for weeks. He’s had the whole country in fits.

2) It’s full of surprises, a must for any great holiday. One minute the police are beating journalists, the next they’re giving Turkish baths.

3) It’s pretty empty so you’ll get a great deal. My advice would be the Divan Hotel – compassionate staff, beautiful location and excellent medical facilities although the number of doctors have dwindled in recent days.

4) It has the only park in the world that is completely open to the public but which you can’t enter.

5) The Gas Festival 2013 is getting rave reviews. The New York Post says “5* – after a muted reception  in previous years, this year’s event is being lapped up by the locals who just can’t get enough and keep coming back for more”.

7) Every night at 9pm, the world’s largest percussion orchestra performs An Opera for our Leader, a cacophonous medley generously sponsored by Tefal.

8)The government offers free tours of the shire all the way to the village square where you may see speeches by our great leader. If you’re planning to go anywhere else, you get free front-seat tickets to the Gas Festival.

9) There are great short-term employment opportunities. For example, there are many positions available for people to represent the inflation and compound annual growth rate lobbies. Bring down a government and get a tan all in the same week!

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