Wednesday, 19 June 2013

Day 11 - Penguins for breakfast

Mr Thorn is in fine spirits after his latest games with the international media. Christiana Amapoorreporter of SEENoNews tweeted her disgust after fabricated stories appeared  in Istanshire's favorite comics, The Beano and The Dandy. The Beano and The Dandy are seen by millions of Mr. Thorn's followers because they can't afford to learn how to think. The comics claimed  she had confessed to being part of a shirewide conspiracy to take the piss out of Mr. Thorn and his band of gangsters, something she is plainly not guilty of since she is afraid of losing her special arse-licking relationship with Brad Orbarma, President of the United Shires, and the dinner parties for favored journalists at his home.


Today they are breakfasting on freshly harvested penguin eggs from the village petting zoo, boiled in the tears of the local children who were made to watch them being confiscated by Thorn's henchmen. Mr. Thorn is in upbeat mood:

I am very happy because Christiana Ammapoorreporter devoted her whole program to Syria. She had that General Wotsisname grandly talking about Syria and CIA sidearms and nothing about the 22 billion a year that Brad Orbarma of the United Shires stuffs into my pocket every year so that I will be his friend. What a journalist! I wish she would come and work for me and my newspapers.


They are feasting on freshly skewered penguins that have then been killed and cooked in doctors' blood. A foreign journalist has been given five minutes to ask some questions. She asks him about his religious position on abortion.

Of course our religion is completely against abortion. But our holy book says nothing about post-natal abortion. We therefore have nothing against compulsory abortion for any riff raff of any age.

But what about the woman who lost her baby after your policemen pepper sprayed her in the face  at close range ?

That was unfortunate. Of course it was she that was being aborted and not her baby. We did not know she was pregnant. The lives of all children are sacred until they join the brownies and set up camp in my park. Then they are dog food.

What role will women play in the new world you are planning ?

That is a good question. It depends if they can cook.  It is the role of every woman to look after her man. It is also important for her to co-operate with his other wives. If she can't cook then she must be pretty and  good in bed. A harem is like a team of specialists.

Stay tuned for tomorrow's thrilling episode! If you can be arsed, you can sign up for a notifying email at the bottom of the page.

No comments:

Post a Comment