Day 70 - I Love the Smell of Teargas in the Morning

The State Religion of Masli Makes Women Free

The Grand Sphincter of Little Tallyban and Greater Istanshire Tey Thorn is thumbing through his photo albums.....

Thorn: I am so proud of my granddaughter who is now in faith school. She has given me her new annual class photo. She's the girl with the blond hair.

Later.....

Thorn: The village children spend their days taunting me and my Mayor of Wankara on the Internet using their infernal iPhones. He is indeed more than a few cards short of a full deck but that's part of his job description. Who in their right mind would want to be public servant to the village mob - at least without kickbacks?  And so I have once again declared war on those unholy Jewish dogs at Twitter. I have abandoned plans to found my own service - TurkTwatter -- because I ended up twatting to myself. Nobody listen to me, even on the Internet and that's fucking full of like-minded wackos.  I have just ordered 6,000 villagers to volunteer and create something called mind-bending hashbags on Twitter so that the world can see the good side of Greater Istanshire and not just the brutal public beatings cuddling of protesters by my plain-clothed policemen, the delightful mutilations body modifications, the justified murders unaccidental killings and the delicious terrible teargassing deaths. Oh #BOLLOCKS! Twat that!

Teargas clouds in the night sky over the Masli paradise of Little Tallyban, Istanshire

Day 62 - Somewhere Over the Fucking Rainbows

His Crappola Highness Tey Thorn is not amused by the cub scouts and brownie packs of the Village of Little Tallyban. After his sexually confused speech in which he simultaneously introduced separate bathing for men and women while banning homosexuality (with the exception of men buggering male goats which is allowed under the new state religion) the kids have started painting the village in the gay colors of the rainbow.

Thorn writes: The little shits are always trying to provoke me. Everyone provokes me. That is why I have ordered the village workmen to paint over these horrendous looking stairs in a lovely municipal grey. That'll show them.

 

 But the more the grey men fumed and painted the more the village children painted....

 

 

 

Furious that the rainbow revolution went completely unopposed by his own supporters (who don't understand symbolism anyway) Thorn began to pen a revenge speech.

Thorn wrote: My riot police have suffered so much at the hands of the brownie and cub scouts. They have suffered endless provocation. Flowers thrust in front of their faces. Glasses of undoubtedly poisoned lemonade offered. And bullets. Oh yes. Real ones. Shot at my policemen.

Toady: O lord and mighty one.

Thorn: Yes, yes, yes, what do you want now ?

Toady: It is against our religion to lie. It is a sin. To lie. About um.... the bullets. No shots have ever been fired.

Thorn: I read that shots had been fired.

Toady: Yes Efendi. Our policeman shot and killed a protester.

Thorn: But our man was shooting back, surely?

Toady: If my lord wishes it so...

Later that day.....

Thorn has just appeared on a particularly smarmy TV show in which he has been praised for his achievements..... endlessly.

Thorn: Note to self. Must buy that nice TV presenter some sex lube. His butt must be so sore.